Am I scared?
It would be a lie to say I'm not scared. How would I describe us? I think we're super playful. I think we're super silly with each other. I think there's such a deep understanding between us.  Like even when we're upset with each other, or even like on our best days, I feel like there is always something I don't know what it is, but there's always something that has just always not tied us together.  But I think when we're together, we're in our own little world, which I think you could say for any relationship, but I genuinely do mean it. Like I don't like it. It doesn't matter what I literally does not matter what the fuck is going on outside of just us because I don't care and I don't see it.  We can make the same little jokes and we can always recite the same little lines to each other and never get tired of each other. I think that's especially it. I could never get tired of you. And I think with some people, I don't think I want to spend a whole day with them, let alone like 5 hours with them.  But with you, I could. With you, I think I could spend my entire life. With you, I would never have gotten tired of it. I think about that a lot. When I'm doing really mundane, mundane and ordinary domestic things.  I think of you because that's what I always enjoyed about our relationship, being able to do those things with you. Just like very ordinary, slight. Small, minuscule details of enjoying life. That's what I really like.  And I was really wanted to share that with you. I also didn't know, like, even the summer when I worked at Wagaya and I would save these little pastries or I would save these, like, the sushi it felt good being able to share those little things with you because it felt like that I had made it.  But it felt like we were sharing something that even if we weren't together, there was something that we could that I know we would have both enjoyed, maybe at different times. But I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy.  Why did you let me treat you the way I did? I think I let all of these things happen. One, because I love you, but two, I wanted to keep fighting and I never saw of course, all of the lying got bad. And it was hard.  It was so hard to be with you sometimes. A part of me didn't care, and a part of me just steamed rolled past the lies because I wanted to be with you. And I don't think I would have done that if it wasn't worth it.  Because I'm a quitter. I'm lowkey a quitter for things that I know. That one I don't really care about because I'm not going to put in any energy and something that I don't actually genuinely believe in.  Yeah. Like you could have done so many things, payton, and I still would have kept letting you back and back into my life. It's not because you're a villain. I remember sending I remember sending that same exact message that I keep letting you back and opening the door back keep opening the door to you.  I don't know what the thing is, but post, I remember sending that to you when we were talking about spring break and you wrote back to not paint you out as a villain. And I didn't mean that in a way that you were such a terrible person, but I mean that in a way of I wasn't respecting my own emotions and my own feelings that I felt like I just had to steamroll past them for things to work.  So I guess that's another regret. But I think you could also say the same thing to me. Do you think we're the same people?  Goodbye Payton.