12/19/2022
Dear Payton,
I figured I’d write you a letter after so long, one that doesn’t ask for anything in return. a letter that’s simply meant to just be read and understood.

I could start this off a lot of different ways — I could tell you about my time in Paris, my thoughts on us, the documentaries that I’ve made, how I wonder which sza song you play on repeat right now, or even the change in my own character really. But no amount of words could satisfy everything I’d like to say to you.

So what three words could address what I mean?

An

I miss you. (Or a You are missing from me// tu me manques)

Or

An

I (still) love you.




No. They’re silly written just like that. They’re not arranged in any beautiful manner or in any particular way that holds any weight or depth towards what I feel.
So what could I write to you Payton? Because I don’t know how to make the words pretty or how to make the phrases just right. And if I’m going to be honest, I really don’t like to write because of that. And I’m not sure if even art could be enough…
I tried (big emphasis on tried because some places just had atrocious options) picking out a postcard from every town I visited this past term that reminded me of us or you… I hoped they would help sort out my own emotions like a puzzle to look back at and piece together. I hope you see what I mean.
These two stood out the most to me.

1. Landschaft Mit Laternen (Wien)

And

2. Vergesslich Engel (Paris)

I like to think these pieces are meant to be shown in a gallery side by side to each other. Not because they’re so similar (they’re not), or because they both come from the same place (they don’t), or because they happen to know each other (they don’t anymore)

These two cards share a story only few can understand.
To be at the edge of it all, to be broken but malleable, yet still have so much faith and trust in the world.

To be forgotten yet remembered by one another. And I believe if the woman turned around you’d see her slight angel smile as she waits too.

I hope that says enough Payton. If not I still have two more words…

undeniably yours,


emilia